Yes im not happy not when im writing this blog, my job is suck, the place i live is horrible suck!! i dont mean to be such a ignorance but i hate to lie when dont feel happy about things. i have been applied hundreds office job application and none of them say yes... dont feel like going anywhere either after those long trip... i lost the excitement of seeing things. the opera house doesnt amuse me.
i thought i hated my life in hectic Jakarta but i was wrong. i feel so much happier living in my own comfort area than here. i don't even have friends to hang out with like back in Jakarta. i mean i do have acquittance but not friends friends.. i dont drink and im not party animal. i cant pretend to be one in order to be accepted when im not! i can be westernise but deep inside im not.. i cant lie to myself.
i cant go to get new handbags like in Metro Pondok Indah malls because everything is so damn expensive here, i dont even put any make up nor high heels like i used to do back in Jakarta. i cant dine out and have whatever i feel like for lunch or dinner because the food taste nothing but salt n paper. no extra spicy chillies, galangga, ginger, lemon grass, the rich spicy herbs i miss alot. i can have it but need to go to Thai restaurant which cost $15 each meal and of course i cant effort it everyday. i dont even have my own cable TV like back home in Jakarta when i can watch my favourite cartoon movies spongebob, channel V or gossip hollywood E! keeping up with Kadharsian.. i miss my cable TV.
i miss my job most, i miss my students, i miss teaching...i miss those days when i dont hv to wake up 6 freaking morning when everyone is still asleep. i hate to go to work when it is cool outside and the wind blowing from the ocean. i miss taking blue bird taxi and cost me nothing... i miss at least i call it extravagant living in Jakarta earning enough Rupiah for me to go shopping, buy whatever i want and fly to bali for holiday. i miss those days when i curl my hair and sit in the mirror for hours just because i can and i feel like.
i miss talking in my own language... i hate to be inferior just because of my skin colour. i hate those people who look at me and speak like i dont understand the freaking English.
i only have Shea and it makes it worse when thing doesnt go well between and i feel like moreee "dont belong here"!
Just read your post, my heart goes out to you. I empathise with your situation and without a supportive partner it makes things 10 times worse.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of great places in sydney that do amazing/cheap asian food! like chinatown and Cabramatta, there's no reason to be stuck in Manly, as sydney is a lot bigger than that.
Also, the new FREE to air tv, has INDO programs.
Hope things pick up for you soon x
It's always the darkest before the dawn kiddo. Take some time to think about what you want, and then think about how to get it...
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